The First Time

I told myself I would never ever do this. Because it's better not to know. Because behind my cool, composed, and (I hope) no-nonsense exterior, I am a sensitive, sentimental, and fragile piece of tou-fu. But today, I had time to kill. So my fingers disobeyed me.

So here I was, sitting at my keyboard, and I finally, for the first time in my life, typed on the Google search bar - "Mdm Sng". I held my breath for an agonizing split second as the page of search results flickered to life on the screen.

Most of the results were irrelevant. I heaved a tentative sigh of relief. Then some of the on-target results began to show up. Some were taken from blogs of students I know. Some were new.

Should I delve deeper, poke around? Should I read about what other people have said of me? Is it safe? Will I lose my confidence?

I tiptoed into some blogs. Nothing defamatory or bruising in there. My ego's still intact. After the third page, I decided. I can't go on anymore. This is totally unnecessary. I should spare myself the worry and the agony.

Some things are better left undiscovered. Lunch is waiting. I still need my self-respect. I'm not aiming to be Miss Popular. So it really doesn't matter. My wantan mee beckons. I shall obey my stomach instead.